Nostalgia

Danny gave me this book to read while I was off in the desert this summer and I still haven't finished it. Not that I don't like it, I just have a hard time finding a good time to read. I can't read on the train and I fall asleep when reading at night. I really should try harder because I love to read.

Anyway, I wanted to share some thoughts that came about when I read a particular passage that spoke to me in a prefect way. This passage had to do with nostalgia. Now, I am 30 and I am still way immature for what I thought a 30 year old would be. I work at a coffee shop even though I have a Master's Diploma, all of my friends are under 27 (the average age being 23).

First I will share the passage, it is a bit long but you can skim through it if you want.

"The Tenth Day" (page 129-131)

There is a certain emotion we all have the potential to experience, and it is an emotion that can only be described as 'terrifying nostalgia.' I briefly felt it yesterday afternoon, but it smothered me in totality at 11:30 last night. I was watching a movie on the Sundance Channel called 'Security, Colorado,' which is a city I have never been to and which probably doesn't exist. It was cheap, rudimentary film (slow moving, shot on video, mostly improvised) that was clearly made by people in their very early 20's....The pacing of this movie was shockingly deliberate: In one scene, the woman just sat at her desk and wordlessly updated her resume: later we watched her drive to the post office and mail the resume to prospective employers. Within the reality of "Security, Colorado", this sequence constitutes 'action.' And I'm not sure if this was supposed to be entertaining or insightful, but it was certainly arresting.

Now, here's what is so terrifying about "security, Colorado:" The stark, pedestrian images used by the filmmakers...expressed nothing, symbolically or metaphorically. The only purpose they served was to remind me that a huge chunk of my life is completely over, even though I will probably live another 60 years. There are so many things that will never happen to me again, and I never even noticed when those things stopped occurring. And this doesn't mean that I wish I had my old life back, because I like my new life better; I was just shocked to discover how much of what used to be central to my existence doesn't even matter anymore..........

....When you start thinking about what your life was like 10 years ago-and not in general terms, but in highly specific details- it is disturbing to realize how certain elements of your being are completely dead. They die long before you do. It's astonishing to consider all the things from your past that used to happen all the time but a) never happen anymore, b) never even cross your mind. It's almost like those things didn't happen. Or maybe just happened to someone else.

-Killing Yourself To Live-85% a True Story by Chuck Klosterman excerpts taken from pp. 129-133

For some reason these couple of pages really got me pondering things about my past life, my late teens and early 20s. Thinking of the people I met during these times and weirdness that ensued. And I did ask, why did these bizzar occurrences stop? When I though about it, my trip to Nevada this summer was like a trip back in time. I met random people for no real reason, worked with random people who were quite wild and I got along with real well. However, none of these experiences can match the carelessness and unworriesome times of my late teens and early 20s, where weird situations happened all the time, and a second thought was made of it, it made life fun and interesting and life just seemed to flow.

One thing I have decided is that no matter how much you say you don't care what other people think about you, there comes a time that you start to care (at least this was a case for me), and I think this was my downfall into normality. To me normality is death, it is boring and I get anxious sometimes unreasonably panicky. I am good with people, I like listening to weird stories. I miss my friends from back home. Darby, Ben, Mark, Rusty, Andy, and especially Brad and Matt, John and Cathy, Sam...I miss all you guys, you really are a part of my family and I have kinda brushed you off because I live in another country.

Anyway, I got off track...I am sure most everyone can relate to what I am trying to say.

Why do we give into the normality...the droning life? Day after day, the same thing. I guess we all have to answer to the corporate machine eventually, pay credit card bills, mortgages, student loans...and I think this is the biggest part of the downfall of giving into normalcy.

These were just a few thoughts...you can add your own by reading the passage and posting a comment.