What I am doing.

I don't usually go looking for parenting books.  I have three "What to Expect..." books but that was it.  I decided to look into a toddler book just to see what kind of tips people had for dealing with the little monsters as I have been feeling quite incapable lately.  I had heard that the "Happiest Baby on the Block" by Harvey Karp helped many people deal with their babies, so I decided to get "Happiest Toddler on the Block: How to Eliminate Tantrums and Raise a Patient, Respectful and Cooperative One- to Four-year-old" and although I find this book interesting and don't doubt the science and practise behind it, I find the techniques the most uncomfortable and unnatural thing ever.

According to Karp, our toddlers are little cavemen (no argument there), and so when they are upset their mind goes prehistoric (like adults).  The reason side of the brain shuts down and the non-verbal side opens up.  They stop listening and so the parent has to speak simply and to somewhat mimick the emotions of the child to make them feel understood which calms them down and once again be open to communication.

I have a super hard time saying :
"Sprout want outside...now, now, now.  Sprout mad, mad mad," in a tone that reflects 1/3 of the anger he is feeling over and over again until he looks at me and is calm, only to follow with, "but no outside now.  It is raining and cold.  Let's go play with blocks instead."

I get that we often try rationalising to a being that is not open to rational thought because of their emotional state at the time, and more importantly, we tend to make a tantruming child feel ignored by walking away or even worse feel unimportant when we just try to soothe them (which, I guess, allows them to bottle up frustrations creating all the resentment we feel against our parents later on in life...yadah, yadah).  This method tries to do away with the common belief by children that "parents just don't understand" by proving that we DO understand, and here I will show you.  But man, for me this is a hard technique to use, even in the privacy of my own home.  I haven't finished the book yet and haven't been trying the techniques too hard.  We'll see how it goes.

I am planning on starting down the road of potty training when we return from the States.  This decision is based on being tired of the Sprout's leaks (due to him pulling "himself" out of his didy leaving the didy untouched by pee) and his tantrums caused by diaper changes.  I came to the belief that I could do this now when I found the book called "The Diaper-free Baby: The Natural Toilet Training Alternative for a Happier, Healthier Baby or Toddler"  I have not read the book yet but they claim that all this milarky about waiting until your baby shows you the signs that they are ready to be silly; that babies are born knowing when they have to go and that we have trained them to WANT to go into a diaper.

I am excited to read this book and hopefully get rid of the didies, though I already know it will be challenging.

I am reading these books because I am tired of the advise given in the "What to Expect..." books and on babycentre.co.uk (babycenter.com respectively).  Allot of the information I feel is either common sense, or just not the way I want to parent my child.  For instance, though they are not against sleeping with your baby, they would rather you not and they will tell you why you shouldn't vs. why you should.  But I do have to ask my first time mothers out there with these books ans sites...do you feel as stupid and inadequate as I do when you read these?  Most of the time I feel like I have been keeping my child in a closet and not teaching him enough, which I know isn't true.  Every time I look to see where my child's development should be, the only part that makes me feel better is the side note that premature babies mature at a slower rate than that of babies born on time and that (of course) every child develops differently.