Because I am American, I read the occasional parenting book. I am sorry that I ever came upon the "What You Need to Know" books or any of the books on playful parenting, and attachment parenting. Oh yes, the tides are changing and I am going French...or "Old School".
Why do I let a 4 year old dictate everything to me? Why do I have to feel bad if I have to say "No"? Why is letting a child act like a moron OK because "he is just a child"? NO MORE. From now on I mean "NO" the first time and I mean it because "I am the Chief" God-damn it!
I will admit that all of this finally hit me while reading two parenting books on how the French raise children (French Children Don't Throw Food and Why French Children Don't Talk Back). I was finally inspired by a parenting book, not filled with guilt and self doubt.
The easy way to explain the philosophy is good, old fashioned "I am the boss, you are the child. I make the rules, you do not." And that is pretty much it.
What is funny is, isn't this how you were raised? I was. There were no "buddies" about it. I don't think I have ever heard my mom apologize for a punishment or any "no" she dealt out.
This isn't the first time I have received this advice, however, I remember hearing it as soon as I had the Sprout. I remember hearing that I don't revolve around the child. I remember hearing my dad ask me "why do you let him do that to you?" when the Sprout decided he wanted a different flavour of Oatmeal then the one I gave him and I gladly made a new one.
For some reason I have felt that I needed to negotiate everything with the Sprout. Guess who always wins? He does. Why? Because I am lazy. However, what kind of a child am I giving to society if he doesn't treat adults with respect? Don't I want a child who is respected by adults as well? Of course. So why am I raising him like a dictator? Why am I negotiating with a terrorist? That is very un-American and of course un-French.
Unfortunately, because he is 4, it is going to be harder than if I had been that way from the get go. But oh it will be so worth it. Right now I am dealing with smiles and laughter at my new found authority, but slowly he's getting it. Just don't back down. Oh, please don't back down.
"I am the CHIEF!"
1 comment:
I applaud your post! At these ages, you DO need to take control (in a loving way, of course) when it really matters, when there is only one right answer. They need direction so that later on they have the experience to know what they really want. What is strange to me is that ALL parents know what their child needs but do not act like it. I notice people asking questions of their children and giving choices, instead of showing leadership with a statement. Like, "Shall we put the toys away now?", instead of "We are going to put the toys away when the timer goes off." If the child throws a fit, it is not because the parent confused him with a question. We are so afraid of hurting feelings that we give up one of the true meanings of being a parent - guidance. I commend you for wanting to take the responsibility to LEAD him.
:) Dad
Post a Comment